Food Songs
by Ondageist13
Summary: There is a song stuck in Sasuke's head, and Naruto is the one to blame. What's that? Is that the sound of sweet, sweet revenge? SasuNaru


*This story was created to neither make fun of, nor promote any religion whatsoever. just to get that out there. Seriously. It was created because I mysteriously got Veggie Tales stuck in my head after my friend sung it over and over and over and over--- during CSAPs. I wonder how in the world it got stuck in my head! LOL.

DISclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Veggie Tales, The Lion King, or Winnie the Pooh.

* * *

*~*~*~*

"If you like to talk to tomatoes, if a squash can make you smile, if you like to waltz with…"

Sasuke stopped mid song and buried his head in his hands. Ever since Naruto decided it would be a good idea to watch Veggie Tales, Sasuke had gotten the theme song stuck in his head.

_It was definitely Sakura's fault, though_, Sasuke thought miserably, still humming the theme song quietly under his breath.

It all started two days ago. Sakura insisted that Team Seven should go out to eat together. Team Seven was the name Sakura had come up with after Kakashi made a point of always putting them together during group projects.

Sasuke knew that Sakura only wanted to lure him on a date. Even though she could be a pain, she was clever, and Sakura knew that he'd only agree to go out if Naruto was invited, too.

Thankfully, though Sakura was smart enough to figure out that Sasuke would only go out to dinner if Naruto was included, she wasn't smart enough to figure out why. Sasuke was glad that his "secret" crush on Naruto was hidden from Sakura. She was a girl, so there was no telling whether she'd be upset that her love was gay- or whether she would become an ecstatic yaoi fan.

~Flashback of the Team Seven Reunion~

"_Sasuke-kun! You absolutely HAVE to come! It's a team celebration!" Sakura practically vibrated with excitement as she leaned over the candy counter at the convenient store where Sasuke worked._

"_What exactly is there to celebrate, Sakura?" Sasuke asked, glancing up. Sakura pressed a finger to her lips- apparently deep in thought. Sasuke rolled his eyes and turned back to continue stacking boxes of lollipops on the shelves. _

"_Naruto's birthday!" She exclaimed. Sasuke placed the last box on the shelf and turned around, his expression frosty._

"_His birthday is in October. It's March." He deadpanned. Sakura sweat-dropped and shrugged. _

"_I know that, but I think a reunion would be nice. We haven't really gotten together since you left, and Naruto has already said he'd come." Sasuke pondered the situation. On one hand, Sakura was an extremely annoying individual. On the other hand, Naruto was invited, and was going to the reunion. His mouth watered at the thought of the blond Adonis._

"_Fine." He said, locking the cash register and pulling on his coat, "Where are we going?"_

_*~*_

_Naruto grinned and stared down into his fifth bowl of miso ramen. When Sakura first proposed a team reunion, he'd been a bit skeptical. However once she'd offered to pay, all doubts had vanished- replaced instead with thoughts of all the ramen possibilities. He glanced over at Sasuke. The poor guy hadn't even touched his ramen at all!_

"_Hey, Sasuke…" He started, fully intending to ask Sasuke if he was going to finish his noodles. However, Sakura cut him off._

"_Isn't this fun?" She asked, throwing her arm around Sasuke's shoulder. Ino glared from where she sat on Sakura's other side. *where did Ino come from?! * _

_Sasuke automatically flinched away from her touch, violently yanking himself away from the pink haired female. Naruto cried out as Sasuke smashed into him, his flailing arms knocking over the stacks of ramen bowls. _

"_Shit!" He gasped before Sasuke's warm weight fell upon him, effectively knocking the breath out of him. Contrary to expectations, the two friends did not accidentally lip lock- instead their foreheads collided rather painfully. _

_Drenched in ramen soup and covered with wet noodles, Naruto and Sasuke stood painfully, both rubbing their sore foreheads. Sakura tried to help Sasuke up, but he shook her off angrily._

"_The hell Sakura!" He snapped, "I never wanted to come here in the first place, but then… then…" He glanced over at Naruto and a faint flush spread over his cheek bones. Sakura flinched back from the murder in his eyes._

"_I'm sorry about your shirt…" She said._

"_Oh my God, Sakura, you're such a klutz!" Ino simpered, "She can be such a pain, can't she?" _

_Sasuke slowly backed away from the table._

"_You guys are ALL obnoxious lunatics!" He shouted, "Leave me alone!"_

"_Now, now Sasuke. To err is human, but to forgive is divine!" Naruto exclaimed. Sasuke's eyes clouded for a moment, but then he turned on Naruto, fixing him with the famous Uchiha Glare. Naruto cringed- he'd never been the target of the Uchiha Glare before._

"_I'm an atheist Naruto. I don't give a flying squirrel about the "Divine"._

_At these words, Kiba started cracking up. _

_*first Ino, then Kiba? What- is there some sort of secret hatch or something?*_

"_Even when he's angry, Sasuke refuses to cuss." Sasuke turned his gaze on the dog-boy, and Kiba immediately shut up._

_However, Naruto wasn't so easily cowed by Sasuke's laser beams._

"_I know what you need!" He exclaimed, "You guys, it's time for Veggie Tales! Sasuke needs a lesson on forgiveness!"_

~End Flashback~

And that was the story on how Sasuke got the stupid theme song stuck in his head. It really was a catchy tune, he admitted to himself. But it was extremely annoying, and something needed to be done about it.

"Hey Sasuke!" Sakura and Ino waltzed into the candy shop. In the beginning of the argument, Sasuke refused to talk to the girls, but after Naruto threatened to tie Sasuke up and force him to watch another two hours of the Christian veggies, Sasuke gave in - despite the tempting offer to be tied up by Naruto, watching vegetables sing about morals was _so_ not a turn-on.

AND just because he forgave them didn't mean he had to go out of his way to be nice to them, right?

"What?" he growled- in the nicest way possible.

"How are you?" They chimed. Sasuke groaned, the theme song growing louder in his head.

"I'm going CRAZY!" He yelped, slamming his coffee mug onto the counter, "The stupid theme song to the stupid vegetable show is STUCK IN MY HEAD!!!"

"Hm." Sakura said. Ino scrunched up her nose in a way she must have thought to be cute.

"We'll help you…" Ino said.

"If you agree to come to another Team Seven reunion tonight." Sakura finished. Ino nodded.

"But you have to invite me this time!" Ino said seriously, "When Kiba and Akamaru decided to White Fang themselves into the restaurant, I thought I was going to die."

"Kiba and Akamaru _dug themselves _into the_ … _oh whatever." Sakura said, "So Sasuke, what do you think?"

Sasuke thought about the offer. Or at least he tried to. He really did try, but a certain annoying song sung by a tomato seemed to be interrupting his thought process.

"FINE!" He screamed, trying to speak over the song echoing in his brain. Ino and Sakura jumped in surprise and the smiled craftily.

"Naruto's gonna be there again." Sakura said – and was that a suggestive tone? Sasuke looked at her, shocked for a moment, and then quickly covered it with a scowl.

"So?" He said oh-so-casually.

"So, you are _totally_ crushing on him." Ino said, linking arms with Sakura.

"No…" Sasuke looked at the determined glint in the fan-girl's eyes and sighed in defeat. "Yeah."

Ino grinned in triumph and turned to Sakura. "Told ya!"

"Ok, I agreed to go to the reunion, now it's your turn. What do I have to do to get this infernal song out of my head?"

"It's simple! All you have to do is listen to the song again!"

"I hate you." Sasuke said. Sakura and Ino laughed and ran away. Sasuke growled under his breath.

"I should probably ask someone with a brain for assistance."

In hindsight, perhaps going to Kiba was a bad idea. Apparently, Kiba had heard from Hinata, who'd heard from Neji, who'd heard from Tenten, who'd heard from Ino that Sasuke was in love with Naruto. In plain Japanese- Kiba knew about Sasuke's feelings toward Naruto.

"All ya gotta do is get off. This song in your head is definitely caused by sexual frustration manifesting itself into the last activity you had with Naruto. Ino said you should listen to the song again. I say that you should relieve your sexual tension while listening to the song, and I recommend relieving said tension with the aid of your love, Naruto. That'll do the trick!"

Sasuke groaned. "Kiba, Naruto isn't even gay."

"Sasuke, I'll be perfectly blunt. You are the most wanted bachelor in the village. Everyone- female AND male- has had a crush on you for one point in time. Even I…"

"ARGH! Too much information! Kiba, I will never be able to not hear that. Ever."

Kiba shrugged. "It's true. Anyway, I think tonight will be a great time to work out your feelings!"

Sasuke bit his lip. He'd forgotten about the Team Seven –plus Kiba and Ino- Reunion. Maybe it _would_ be a good time to tell Naruto. Ino, Sakura and Kiba would be there to support him- Kiba could defuse tension with his stupid perverted jokes if he got shot down …

No. It would be a terrible idea!

Sasuke trudged down the road toward the Uchiha district, mumbling to himself about stupid blonds and stupid theme songs. Every so often, his thoughts would be interrupted by a verse of the stupid, stupid, stupid…

"Hi Sasuke!" Sasuke mentally hit himself on the head.

"Hello." He replied, wishing to be anywhere but there.

"So, I was wondering, do you want to hang out before Sakura's Reunion? I feel like I haven't seen you around much."

"It's not like I've been hiding dobe," Sasuke said, "I've been working in the candy counter as per usual."

"Yeah… Well, do you want to hang out or not?" Sasuke pondered his options. He did want to hang out with Naruto. However, he was still facing his feelings for the blond, and he wasn't sure he was ready to forgive Naruto for getting the song stuck in his head.

"Fine." He said, "What did you have in mind? And no, I will not watch any more Christian vegetables sing and dance about being a good person."

"Aw! That ruins my plan!" Naruto exclaimed, nudging Sasuke to show that he was joking.

At least Sasuke hoped he was joking.

"Ha ha, very funny."

"In any case, I was thinking that we could go visit all out the places we used to hang out. You know, before you left Konoha to go to college, even though everyone wanted you to stay, and you decided to follow your father's last wish to become an architect or _something_, and I had to chase after you, but you wouldn't come back, and you broke everyone's hearts, and…"

"You're blabbering." Sasuke said looking away. It was true- he'd hurt everyone he loved when he left to chase the foolish wish his father left behind. He was ashamed of his actions, but he would never admit it for fear of appearing weak.

"Anyway, I just thought it would be fun. You got back almost a year ago, but it still seems that we haven't hung out as much."

_That's because whenever I'm around you I want to jump you_, Sasuke thought. "You're right." He said.

Sasuke followed Naruto around the city. Naruto talked animatedly, recalling memories of every place they visited. Sasuke pretended not to care, but he felt content to walk around with Naruto again. Finally they arrived back at the high school they'd attended. They walked silently through the halls before stopping at the door to their old classroom.

Naruto turned and placed his hands on Sasuke's shoulders. Sasuke stiffened at the contact, but then relaxed into Naruto's embrace. The two best friends stood in the doorway of 7-A for a long time. Naruto was the first one to break the silence.

"Do you remember?" He said, "This room?"

"Obviously." Sasuke replied- the mood of the moment prevented him from making a truly searing and sarcastic comment.

"No, I mean the day we first met." Naruto said. Sasuke shook his head slowly. He wasn't quite sure where Naruto was going with this.

Naruto sensed his confusion.

"I'm talking about the Kiss." Naruto said. Sasuke's eyes widened as Naruto's lips lightly brushed his own.

"Erm, maybe I was wrong?" Naruto said nervously when Sasuke didn't move. Naruto pulled away, but Sasuke dug his fingers into Naruto's waist.

"No." Sasuke said finally, "No, you weren't wrong."

And then- neither of them were sure exactly _when_ it happened- then they were both in the classroom, Sasuke pressing his slightly smaller body against Naruto- pushing him against the sliding door. Soft music played inside the room, and Sasuke hazily recognized it to be the Veggie Tale's Theme song. He thought he saw a shadow of a man with a dog creep out the back door, and smirked against Naruto's lips- Kiba was definitely onto this.

Sasuke bit Naruto's lip, and Naruto yelped, giving Sasuke the opening he needed to slide his tongue into Naruto's hot cavern. Tongues danced between them, though had it been a fight for dominance, Sasuke surely would have won.

Naruto pulled away and began nibbling on Sasuke's collar bone. _Damnit_, Sasuke thought, swallowing the undignified moan that struggled up his throat. He ground himself against Naruto, feeling the proof of the other man's arousal rub against his own. Naruto had no such inhibitions about vocally showing his pleasure: his guttural moan almost sent Sasuke careening over the edge.

Sasuke slipped his hand down to press against the bulge in Naruto's jeans. Sasuke smirked when Naruto slammed his head back against the door. He slid his hand down the waist band of Naruto's baggy jeans, and gently wrapped his hand around Naruto. 'Gently' wasn't what Naruto was looking for, however, and he thrust his hips, trying to get more friction.

Sasuke slipped his hand into his own pants and began fisting both his and Naruto's erections in smooth, fast pumps. Naruto's head fell onto Sasuke's shoulder, and he moaned loudly.

"Gods, Sasuke, don't stop." He gasped, his hand replacing Sasuke's on Sasuke's cock. Sasuke bit Naruto's shoulder to keep from screaming: having someone else's hand on your dick felt _much_ better than your own. He flicked his thumb over Naruto's slit. His eyes rolled back in his head when Naruto returned the favor.

"Sasuke!" Naruto slumped against him, his seed spilling over Sasuke's hand. Sasuke couldn't hold out any longer, either, and he came too- though not before mentally filing away the fact that Naruto came before he did. He could use it as black mail if the whole thing turned out to be a joke.

Naruto sat up and grinned at Sasuke. The sun was setting: if they didn't leave soon, they'd be late to Sakura's dinner reunion. Sasuke decided it would be a good idea to mention this.

"Then I guess we'll just have to miss it." The blue eyed man said, smiling craftily. This was the only 'warning' Sasuke had before Naruto pounced, pinning him to the floor.

~*~ (*)

*A few days later*

Sasuke and Naruto walked back from Sasuke's store. Naruto brazenly twined his fingers with Sasuke's. The village learned to accept their close relationship; now the only worry between the couple was that they would be trampled by hordes of yaoi fan girls.

"Ne, ne, Sasuke! Let's go to your place and watch a movie!"

"Since I watched your favorite show, you get to watch my favorite movie."

"Well it isn't my favorite show since I'm not a particularly religious bloke… but as a good boyfriend, I'll allow it."

Sasuke turned to Naruto with a banana smile. Naruto unconsciously took a step back. Seeing Sasuke smile like that was even scarier than the Uchiha Glare. Before Naruto could change his mind, Sasuke dragged him into the house, threw him onto the couch, and flicked the remote.

Naruto relaxed significantly when the movie showed itself to be Disney's, The Lion King_. _He'd been expecting something much more sinister: such as one of the horrible, gory, scary movies Sasuke enjoyed and Naruto hated.

~*~

*A few days after _that_*

~*~

Sasuke chuckled quietly to himself and turned to the two expectant fan girls sitting in his living room. He had invited Sakura and Ino over so that the three of them could bask in the glory of vengeance together. They all high-fived as they listened to Naruto humming, "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts…" from Zazu in The Lion King. Every few verses, the three allies heard a string of cusses and banging. Apparently Naruto was hitting his head on the cabinets.

"I never thought I'd say this, but thanks." He said to Ino and Sakura. Before the girls could answer, Naruto burst from the kitchen, holding a butcher knife in one hand, and a carrot in the other.

"Damnit Sasuke!" he screamed, "Why? WHY?"

Sasuke eyed the butcher knife in Naruto's hand, and carefully peeled it out of his fingers. While Naruto was busy trying to get his knife back from Sasuke, Ino promptly stole his carrot. When Naruto turned his head to glare at Ino, Sasuke succeeded in hiding the knife under a cookbook.

"Revenge is ice cream!" Sakura cackled suddenly. Three pairs of eyes stared blankly at her, "Come on people! Revenge is sweet, and it's a dish best served cold! Therefore, it's ice cream!"

Three sweat drops appeared, and then Naruto shook his off.

"Why did you guys help him?" Naruto yelled. The fan girls grinned at each other.

"He gave us an offer we couldn't turn down." Sakura said. Ino laughed and flashed the pictures at Naruto. They were nothing graphic- just pictures of the new couple holding hands or in various stages of flirting- but the seemingly innocent pictures were enough to send Ino and Sakura to the highest ranks of the Yaoi fan club. Sakura and Ino linked arms and ran away, flowers and hearts bursting around them as they raced out onto the street.

"You win… for now." Naruto said, "But you're going to have to help me get the song out of my head."

"How am I supposed to do that?" Sasuke asked, though he had some ideas in mind. Naruto grinned at him.

"Well, Kiba says that the best thing to do is relieve sexual tension and listen to the song." He said. Sasuke nodded.

"Yeah, I'd recommend that, too," Sasuke slid across the couch until he was sitting on Naruto's lap, "Let's fix this problem, shall we?" Naruto nodded and clicked the remote…

~*~

"You know," Naruto commented, running his hands through Sasuke's soft black hair, "If you think about it, we've done some pretty kinky things in the last couple weeks."

"What do you mean?" Sasuke asked, lifting his head off Naruto's shoulder.

"Well, we played with food, and did it 'like animals." Naruto said.

"Dobe. Don't insult the Lion King like that." Sasuke said, dropping his head back onto Naruto's chest. "Less talk. More sleep."

"If anyone should be tired, it's me." Naruto said, lying back against the cushions, "I was the one who took it up the ass."

"Only the first time, and then you took advantage of my after-glow and I ended up on the receiving end. Besides, I didn't hear you complaining."

"Ah, well." Naruto said.

"_Bears love honey and I'm a Pooh bear, so I do care, so I'll climb there, I'm so rumbly in my tumbly, time for something sweet…"_

Sasuke and Naruto shot up to see Sakura, Ino, and Kiba standing outside the window singing Winnie the Pooh at the top of their lungs.

"SHUT UP!" Sasuke screamed, slamming the blinds down. He was suddenly very aware of Naruto's eyes on him.

"So, Sasuke," Naruto purred. Sasuke turned around slowly, "How would you feel about something… sticky?"

* * *

**_DONE! I hope you guys liked it..._**

_(*) Couldn't get myself to write a real lemon in this story--- _

Hehe- This came to mind during CSAPs, when I got the Veggie Tales theme song stuck in my head--- :)

------you've already done the first R, please do the second R! Especially if you want me to go back in and add a real 4 real lemon.

**~Usagi, Usagi, Usagi-san~**


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